Tonight I was struck with the somewhat unsettling realization that I have been home from DTS for two months.
Two months.
As I reflect over the last two months I realize it's been a whirlwind. I don't consider myself a terribly great writer, and I wish there was some way to properly bring life to the convoluted emotions rattling around my head. I remember the first days I was back in Canada, spending time with my family. I remember Christmas in February, giving gifts that have traveled many oceans to finally land at home. I remember the very first night I was home I couldn't sleep because my room was too quiet and my bed was too big. No roommates chattering at all blessed hours of the night, no squeak of the bunk beds.
I remember the first time I drank water out of the tap at home I cried, because drinking 1) COLD water that 2) comes out a RUNNING TAP that is 3) SAFE for consumption are all luxuries many people in this world today will never come to understand. I remember the first time I entered a mall I just felt sick, seeing everyone rush around tied to deadlines and sales and consumerism and it all just felt so dead to me. I remember in the Edmonton airport seeing French and being sent for a loop because it wasn't Spanish. I remember my first time stepping foot back at the King's University College and seeing so many familiar faces, and a lot of new ones.
So many re-connections. I remember catching up with my roommates; hearing so many stories from the previous five months. Catching up with so many people, being thrilled to hear some news, and horribly disappointed with other news. So many coffee dates, so many more promised. Missing my DTS family. Writing letters and getting packages from other parts of the world. Getting a job at the Library at King's. That has been a huge blessing financially. I was very much broke when I came home and this job has been a Godsend. Building friendships, renewing old friendships, and looking forward to what is next. Seeking God amidst all the craziness. Seeking Him through the hard times and the good. Praising Him regardless.
My DTS was perfect in the season that God required me to go. My Father built me up into who I am now; that required being broken first. I went to Mexico with the pieces of me clutched tightly in my fists. Abba helped me unclench those fists and drop all those pieces at His feet. And then He started building. Fitting those pieces together just the way He intended them to fit. Even two months later I am trying to figure out exactly what that means. I lived a lifetime in those five months. A lifetime of learning, growing, healing. I made a family in those five months. A family that is spread across the globe, so far yet so close to my heart.
I don't want to change back to who I was. I am a disciple, I am a YWAMer, I am a missionary. I am a dreamer. I want to be in this world but not of it. I will stand proudly for my Lord even if make a fool of myself.
... Shout out to my DTS family. I love you and miss you. So much.
