It's been a Bon-Iver, stay-home-in-sweats, watch-the-leaves-change, chai-tea-and-stroopwaffels kind of day. I'm fighting off sickness and haven't really moved too far today.
Today is the one year anniversary of the start of my Discipleship Training School in Ensenada, Mexico. Last night I was just overwhelmed with gratefulness and had an amazing worship session, just me and Jesus. I was just floored by how much has changed in a year, how tangibly Jesus changed my life.
A year ago I was angry, I was vulnerable, I was hurting. I flew to Mexico with all the pieces of my shattered past clutched tightly in my fists. So tightly I had scars. The first thing my Jesus did was help me unfurl those fists. He gently pried my fingers open, ever so carefully pulled out the shards stuck in my hands. He showed me to lay my burdens at His feet. He lifted my downcast face to meet His eyes. I stared my Jesus right in the eyes, maybe truly for the first time in my life. I met him. I experienced him. Through the help of my staff and my fellow DTS students, I was able to truly experience the love and adoration my Jesus has had for me, my whole life.
In the dirty, shadowed streets of Bajio (red light district in Ensenada), I experienced Abba's love without condition. He loves every prostitute in that area. He loves every dealer trying to catch your eye. He loves every man who has laid a punch on his wife. He loves every dirty, homeless person passed out on the sidewalk. His love is never defined by our circumstances or our choices. His heart breaks for every horrible situation, knowing some of his kids are so chemically altered they don't know daytime from nighttime, BUT his love never stops. It doesn't change the moment the needle hits skin, it doesn't change ever. That was hard for me to grasp at times. Seeing men walk out of brothels. I got angry. I hated them for what they did. Seeing prostitutes waiting outside the "hotels," trying to hold their head up high. My heart shattered for them.
Living in the ghetto streets of the Dominican Republic, the sound of gunshots a regular occurrence, I experienced the love of Jesus through heartbreak. I remember one day we were playing with a bunch of street kids in Bienvenidos. Lots of them have parents, but they are either drug addicts, alcoholics, chronically absent in these kid's lives, or abusive. I remember sitting off to the side with a little boy curled up in my lap, and suddenly my views of these kids changed. Jesus said to me "how you feel right now is how I feel about these kids" and I was so overwhelmed with heartbreak. My chest hurt. I couldn't breathe. In that moment Jesus showed me that being passive about the injustices in the world is just not an option. We need to be praying for issues around the world, not just tucking ourselves away in our own little corner of the world and sticking our head in the sand. As North Americans we are so ridiculously blessed, we don't even know it. God opened my eyes to that in the Dominican Republic. Injustice happens EVERYWHERE and ignoring it is like... ignoring the heart of God. In Edmonton alone, there is homelessness, trafficking, drug abuse, homelessness. How can that be ignored?
Anyways. I have posed a challenge for myself. For the next five months, my challenge is to read over my notes from my DTS day by day. I never want to forget what I have learned. As I go through my old journals, I'll be sure to post some words of wisdom here on my blog.
I entitled this post "wanderlust" because I just want to travel! Well that sounds selfish. I made a deal with God that I will go where he sends me next summer. Whether that means staying here in Edmonton and getting involved with a ministry here, or hopping on a plane... My summer is God's. And I am so excited to dream about where that may be, and what that might involve.
So that's all :)
If you get bored... do this.
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