On My Knees Again.

Well. It's been so long since I have blogged.

My semester has been insanely busy, and here it is March already. In about five weeks I will be done my first year of nursing! Right now I should be working on a resident profile, cramming for a quiz, and doing other productive things... not happening.

I entitled this post "On My Knees Again" because that is where I am finding myself right now. Now, the point of this post is not to complain about my life, but rather to acknowledge how desperately I need Jesus. I don't know how else to say it... I am so tired. Nursing school has been the best, but most challenging endeavour. Early (and I mean clinical starts at 6:30am so I wake up at 5:00 early) mornings, long nights, too much homework, not enough time. I failed my Pathophysiology midterm this week, but I don't feel that bad about that one because the class average was 52% and I got 49%.

Also, my grandmother passed away yesterday. I am still processing. Lots of tears shed, however I know she is with Jesus now, staring Him straight in the eyes. I know she no longer suffers, I know she has no pain, but it's still sad. I am sad for all the family members who never got to say goodbye. I am comforted by Philippians 1:21: To live is Christ, and to die is gain. I know my Grandma has gained so much and I know she is Home. I know she is free. This brings me great comfort. My heart still aches, but I know she is free.

Honestly, I know I do not have the strength to finish this semester strong without my Love, my Redemption, my Saviour.  Current desire is to curl up in a ball and sleep for a week straight. Now you may be thinking, "Sarah, that's called burnout." And guess what, you may be right. I'm tired! However I'm also stubborn. I've got a Saviour who gives strength to the weak, who gives hope to the hopeless. My sister blessed me today with some very comforting verses from Isaiah 40: 28-31:

Do you not know?

    Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

    the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

    and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ 

He gives strength to the weary

    and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ 

Even youths grow tired and weary,

    and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ 

but those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint.

WHAT AN ENCOURAGEMENT. When reading these verses, God showed me a picture. It was of me, on my knees before Jesus. Instead of leaving me with eyes downcast, Jesus came and lifted my chin and told me "Keep going, child. Do it for me. Do it for your grandma. I will sustain you."

So. With fresh energy I will finish strong. I will keep running to receive the prize. I will swallow my dislike of mornings, and go to my Long Term Care rotation determined to make my resident's day. Because who knows, they may pass away any day as well. If I am going there with no energy to care for them, they may pass away without knowing they are loved. I never got to say goodbye to my grandma, but maybe I will be able to make someone else's last days memorable and full of love. 

09MAR13. Grandma I'll miss you. Hope you and Jesus are having a grand time being together. Through my tears I celebrate your freedom.