As I get older it seems time goes faster. Freakishly so.
I feel like I just woke up several hours ago, and now it's evening. I went for a walk and watched the sky gradually darken, streaks of purples and pinks against navy.
6 months and 4 days ago, Michelle and I returned home from Mexico. She came to visit me for a week after my DTS ended. The border line in Tijuana was horrible, and we ended up running across the Mexican/American border with all our luggage in tow. Somewhere rattling around the back of my head was the remote fear of getting shot in the back of the head. We were instructed to get into a white car (a YWAMer don't worry) and he would drive us to the airport. Ended up missing our flight anyway, but caught later flights that day.
It's been quite the adventure since returning home to Canada. I still hold my time in YWAM so very close to my heart, and I can't believe it's been 6 months already. I still wake up with memories of my Discipleship Training School bouncing around my brain as if they happened yesterday. Getting lost one of the first days, in the dark. Breaking down in utter pain and releasing years of hurt in the presence of my team. The feeling of finally being barefoot again, walking across the courtyard I have walked for years. Amazing times of worship. Our ridiculous Christmas party. Laughing so hard it hurt. Crying so hard it hurt. Working in the Red Light District every Friday night. Blaring Relient K in the kitchen during work duties. Praying over outreach. The fear/excitement twisting around my stomach the day we left for outreach. Being overwhelmed by all the beautiful black children. Christmas. New Years. Praying for the woman in the Haitian refugee camp who lost her son. Federico passing away. Traveling to Oaxaca. Meeting our amazing family there. Me being in the hospital. Returning to Ensenada. Returning to Canada.
Fast forward to August 27, 2012. Five more days of work, many reunions with old friends, one music festival and one wedding until I officially start Orientation at the University of Alberta in the Faculty of Nursing. I found out the other day they had over 2600 applications and 300 people got accepted. 11.5%. I am in that 11.5%. Another confirmation that I am exactly in the middle of God's will for me. I am going into this school year ready. I am ready to return to University, I am in great shape and content with the work I have done this summer. I started Bikram yoga this summer and took up running again. I have been digging into the Word and I am so confident in my Father and what He wants me to do with my life.
Bring it Nursing. I'm going in with Abba on my side.
27 August 2012
26 July 2012
On Life, on Love, on Being a Light.
Honestly since I last blogged life has been such a blur.
Since the end of April, I have switched jobs, quit jobs, gave up my summer to the Lord, and got another job. I have also gotten back involved in Prison Ministry, and I am loving it more and more every week. I've registered for all my courses for Nursing at the University of Alberta in the fall, and I cannot waiiiiiiit for September to come. I'm ready to go back to school.
I have gone camping for my Mom's side of the family reunion, and recently I returned from a week-long trip to Washington to visit Jessie from my DTS. In about t-11 hours I leave with my parents and brother to Vancouver for my Dad's side of the family reunion. My baby sister is in New Zealand currently; she started her Medical DTS about two weeks ago. We skyped for about an hour and a half tonight, and my chest hurts thinking about her. Martha if you read my blog still, I miss you. A lot.
A gift that God has given me is insight. Insight into others lives, insight into when people are hurting. I often carry burdens for people and intercede for them in my heart constantly. Right now the names coming into my head... Darryl. A homeless guy me and a few friends met downtown. Mercedes. One of the little girls from Kid's Rally (a kid's program for low income families). D (name withheld). A guy I met in our prison ministry at EYOC. I think it is fair to say that often we as society run into hurting people and don't really care. Or, we may care for a while and then forget their names. Even as I write an image comes into my mind. A dirty, faded photograph of a crying child. Given to me while I was in the Dominican Republic from a mom who lost her baby. Her estranged husband stole their child and ran back to Haiti with him. Often upon meeting someone and hearing their story, it is very impactful. But how about two months later? How about even two weeks later? We're called to "pray without ceasing" - 1 Thess 5:17. That doesn't mean pray today, and then get distracted tomorrow and stop caring. Without ceasing means without ceasing!
I want my every breath, my every day to be these prayers for these people. I want to be one of those Christians that makes an impact, that people notice. I don't want to be one of those people who says "absolutely I'll pray for you" and then walk away and forget their name. I want to love like Jesus did. I want to be ridiculous for my Savior and be a light. I want to change lives. As I dig more and more into the Word, I understand more who Jesus was, what He did for me, and therefore how I can be that light!!!! It's inspiring to be living it out, even outside the confines of YWAM's walls. I hope through the love God has put in my heart for the hurting, the broken, the left out, can radiate to everyone I meet, every day. Not just Sunday. Not just when I'm inspired.
Every day.
Since the end of April, I have switched jobs, quit jobs, gave up my summer to the Lord, and got another job. I have also gotten back involved in Prison Ministry, and I am loving it more and more every week. I've registered for all my courses for Nursing at the University of Alberta in the fall, and I cannot waiiiiiiit for September to come. I'm ready to go back to school.
I have gone camping for my Mom's side of the family reunion, and recently I returned from a week-long trip to Washington to visit Jessie from my DTS. In about t-11 hours I leave with my parents and brother to Vancouver for my Dad's side of the family reunion. My baby sister is in New Zealand currently; she started her Medical DTS about two weeks ago. We skyped for about an hour and a half tonight, and my chest hurts thinking about her. Martha if you read my blog still, I miss you. A lot.
A gift that God has given me is insight. Insight into others lives, insight into when people are hurting. I often carry burdens for people and intercede for them in my heart constantly. Right now the names coming into my head... Darryl. A homeless guy me and a few friends met downtown. Mercedes. One of the little girls from Kid's Rally (a kid's program for low income families). D (name withheld). A guy I met in our prison ministry at EYOC. I think it is fair to say that often we as society run into hurting people and don't really care. Or, we may care for a while and then forget their names. Even as I write an image comes into my mind. A dirty, faded photograph of a crying child. Given to me while I was in the Dominican Republic from a mom who lost her baby. Her estranged husband stole their child and ran back to Haiti with him. Often upon meeting someone and hearing their story, it is very impactful. But how about two months later? How about even two weeks later? We're called to "pray without ceasing" - 1 Thess 5:17. That doesn't mean pray today, and then get distracted tomorrow and stop caring. Without ceasing means without ceasing!
I want my every breath, my every day to be these prayers for these people. I want to be one of those Christians that makes an impact, that people notice. I don't want to be one of those people who says "absolutely I'll pray for you" and then walk away and forget their name. I want to love like Jesus did. I want to be ridiculous for my Savior and be a light. I want to change lives. As I dig more and more into the Word, I understand more who Jesus was, what He did for me, and therefore how I can be that light!!!! It's inspiring to be living it out, even outside the confines of YWAM's walls. I hope through the love God has put in my heart for the hurting, the broken, the left out, can radiate to everyone I meet, every day. Not just Sunday. Not just when I'm inspired.
Every day.
27 April 2012
I Don't Know Where the Last Two Months of my Life Have Gone.
Tonight I was struck with the somewhat unsettling realization that I have been home from DTS for two months.
Two months.
As I reflect over the last two months I realize it's been a whirlwind. I don't consider myself a terribly great writer, and I wish there was some way to properly bring life to the convoluted emotions rattling around my head. I remember the first days I was back in Canada, spending time with my family. I remember Christmas in February, giving gifts that have traveled many oceans to finally land at home. I remember the very first night I was home I couldn't sleep because my room was too quiet and my bed was too big. No roommates chattering at all blessed hours of the night, no squeak of the bunk beds.
I remember the first time I drank water out of the tap at home I cried, because drinking 1) COLD water that 2) comes out a RUNNING TAP that is 3) SAFE for consumption are all luxuries many people in this world today will never come to understand. I remember the first time I entered a mall I just felt sick, seeing everyone rush around tied to deadlines and sales and consumerism and it all just felt so dead to me. I remember in the Edmonton airport seeing French and being sent for a loop because it wasn't Spanish. I remember my first time stepping foot back at the King's University College and seeing so many familiar faces, and a lot of new ones.
So many re-connections. I remember catching up with my roommates; hearing so many stories from the previous five months. Catching up with so many people, being thrilled to hear some news, and horribly disappointed with other news. So many coffee dates, so many more promised. Missing my DTS family. Writing letters and getting packages from other parts of the world. Getting a job at the Library at King's. That has been a huge blessing financially. I was very much broke when I came home and this job has been a Godsend. Building friendships, renewing old friendships, and looking forward to what is next. Seeking God amidst all the craziness. Seeking Him through the hard times and the good. Praising Him regardless.
My DTS was perfect in the season that God required me to go. My Father built me up into who I am now; that required being broken first. I went to Mexico with the pieces of me clutched tightly in my fists. Abba helped me unclench those fists and drop all those pieces at His feet. And then He started building. Fitting those pieces together just the way He intended them to fit. Even two months later I am trying to figure out exactly what that means. I lived a lifetime in those five months. A lifetime of learning, growing, healing. I made a family in those five months. A family that is spread across the globe, so far yet so close to my heart.
I don't want to change back to who I was. I am a disciple, I am a YWAMer, I am a missionary. I am a dreamer. I want to be in this world but not of it. I will stand proudly for my Lord even if make a fool of myself.
... Shout out to my DTS family. I love you and miss you. So much.
Two months.
As I reflect over the last two months I realize it's been a whirlwind. I don't consider myself a terribly great writer, and I wish there was some way to properly bring life to the convoluted emotions rattling around my head. I remember the first days I was back in Canada, spending time with my family. I remember Christmas in February, giving gifts that have traveled many oceans to finally land at home. I remember the very first night I was home I couldn't sleep because my room was too quiet and my bed was too big. No roommates chattering at all blessed hours of the night, no squeak of the bunk beds.
I remember the first time I drank water out of the tap at home I cried, because drinking 1) COLD water that 2) comes out a RUNNING TAP that is 3) SAFE for consumption are all luxuries many people in this world today will never come to understand. I remember the first time I entered a mall I just felt sick, seeing everyone rush around tied to deadlines and sales and consumerism and it all just felt so dead to me. I remember in the Edmonton airport seeing French and being sent for a loop because it wasn't Spanish. I remember my first time stepping foot back at the King's University College and seeing so many familiar faces, and a lot of new ones.
So many re-connections. I remember catching up with my roommates; hearing so many stories from the previous five months. Catching up with so many people, being thrilled to hear some news, and horribly disappointed with other news. So many coffee dates, so many more promised. Missing my DTS family. Writing letters and getting packages from other parts of the world. Getting a job at the Library at King's. That has been a huge blessing financially. I was very much broke when I came home and this job has been a Godsend. Building friendships, renewing old friendships, and looking forward to what is next. Seeking God amidst all the craziness. Seeking Him through the hard times and the good. Praising Him regardless.
My DTS was perfect in the season that God required me to go. My Father built me up into who I am now; that required being broken first. I went to Mexico with the pieces of me clutched tightly in my fists. Abba helped me unclench those fists and drop all those pieces at His feet. And then He started building. Fitting those pieces together just the way He intended them to fit. Even two months later I am trying to figure out exactly what that means. I lived a lifetime in those five months. A lifetime of learning, growing, healing. I made a family in those five months. A family that is spread across the globe, so far yet so close to my heart.
I don't want to change back to who I was. I am a disciple, I am a YWAMer, I am a missionary. I am a dreamer. I want to be in this world but not of it. I will stand proudly for my Lord even if make a fool of myself.
... Shout out to my DTS family. I love you and miss you. So much.
22 February 2012
The Last Day.
So since Saturday I've been hanging around the base with Michelle. Today's our last day in Mexico.
It's been weird hanging out here, without my DTS family. It was so hard saying goodbye as they slowly trickled away to the airport. I cried a lot. It seemed like little pieces of my heart were getting ripped out and it was horrible. I believe our staff leaders did a pretty good job of explaining reverse culture shock and how hard it would be... but still. My family is gone. This may very well be the most melancholy blog post.. But I miss my family. I miss the last five months. I'm not sure I'm ready to go home, and to get back into North American culture. Blagh.
I am going to miss Mexico. I miss my family sooo much... especially my outreach team.
It's been weird hanging out here, without my DTS family. It was so hard saying goodbye as they slowly trickled away to the airport. I cried a lot. It seemed like little pieces of my heart were getting ripped out and it was horrible. I believe our staff leaders did a pretty good job of explaining reverse culture shock and how hard it would be... but still. My family is gone. This may very well be the most melancholy blog post.. But I miss my family. I miss the last five months. I'm not sure I'm ready to go home, and to get back into North American culture. Blagh.
I am going to miss Mexico. I miss my family sooo much... especially my outreach team.
18 February 2012
Post-Graduation.
We are done.
Saturday, February 11, we left Oaxaca and flew into Los Angeles. On the drive back down to Ensenada, I fell silent and blocked out the excited chatter of my teammates. As I stared off into the ocean, I realized I had no words to aptly explain the wave of emotions I was feeling. Part of me was overwhelmingly happy to be finished outreach, and I was elated at the accomplishment I felt. Two months. Two months of mostly cold showers, oppressing spiritual warfare, pouring out into others, tears, more tears, joy, exhaustion, peace, bringing people to the Lord, pouring into relationships.
The other part of my heart was so crushingly sad that I cried. As people were chattering in the background, I realized how each member of Team Chewbacca has become my family. Klaus, Tony, Cory, Colton, Steph, Kiley, Jessie, Ester, Gaby, Ellie, Peta and Rheanne have really become my second family. I cried as I realized... being done means saying goodbye. I never realized it was possible to take a group of twelve strangers from seven countries... and call them family after two months of doing life together.
As a family Team Chewbacca has been through a lot. I think for everyone the Dominican Republic was difficult because the spiritual warfare was so tangible. We had several occasions when we woke up in the middle of the night and prayed together. Times where we all felt so dry that we just sat in a room and prayed for each other.. for hours. We were all devastated when Federico died. Everyone was worried when Cory got sick and couldn't fly to Oaxaca right away. I wasn't there, but I heard stories that everyone pulled together to put out the massive fire. Everyone prayed for me when I was in the hospital. As a family we saw the mountaintop, and we crashed in the valley. We saw little children in the Dominican with huge, open, gaping wounds because a witch cursed them. We pulled together as a team in the tough times, and enjoyed each other's company on our few days off. We collectively drank way too much coffee and got not enough sleep.
This chapter of my life is done. This season is coming to a close. Thursday night was our graduation and it was horribly bittersweet. Such a sense of accomplishment, such a season of growth, finished. Since then people have been trickling off to the airport and saying goodbye has been nothing short of horrendous. I surprised myself at how attached I am to my DTS family. Saying goodbye has left the biggest ache in my chest. Even writing this brings such a raw emotion. Jessie and Ester especially. You girls know that you're closer to me than I can even express. Not seeing you every day, not falling asleep to you ten feet away, not laughing with you, has made me so horribly sad. I've heard the term "post DTS depression" and laughed it off, thinking that was cute, but I now know whoever coined that phrase was not joking.
I'm currently sitting in the YWAM San Diego office. Two more of my family members are leaving this afternoon; tonight I'm picking up Michelle and we're going to hang out in Ensenada for a week. So ridiculously happy to see her, so unbelievably sad DTS is over. So glad for this season of growth and renewal in Christ.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Saturday, February 11, we left Oaxaca and flew into Los Angeles. On the drive back down to Ensenada, I fell silent and blocked out the excited chatter of my teammates. As I stared off into the ocean, I realized I had no words to aptly explain the wave of emotions I was feeling. Part of me was overwhelmingly happy to be finished outreach, and I was elated at the accomplishment I felt. Two months. Two months of mostly cold showers, oppressing spiritual warfare, pouring out into others, tears, more tears, joy, exhaustion, peace, bringing people to the Lord, pouring into relationships.
The other part of my heart was so crushingly sad that I cried. As people were chattering in the background, I realized how each member of Team Chewbacca has become my family. Klaus, Tony, Cory, Colton, Steph, Kiley, Jessie, Ester, Gaby, Ellie, Peta and Rheanne have really become my second family. I cried as I realized... being done means saying goodbye. I never realized it was possible to take a group of twelve strangers from seven countries... and call them family after two months of doing life together.
As a family Team Chewbacca has been through a lot. I think for everyone the Dominican Republic was difficult because the spiritual warfare was so tangible. We had several occasions when we woke up in the middle of the night and prayed together. Times where we all felt so dry that we just sat in a room and prayed for each other.. for hours. We were all devastated when Federico died. Everyone was worried when Cory got sick and couldn't fly to Oaxaca right away. I wasn't there, but I heard stories that everyone pulled together to put out the massive fire. Everyone prayed for me when I was in the hospital. As a family we saw the mountaintop, and we crashed in the valley. We saw little children in the Dominican with huge, open, gaping wounds because a witch cursed them. We pulled together as a team in the tough times, and enjoyed each other's company on our few days off. We collectively drank way too much coffee and got not enough sleep.
This chapter of my life is done. This season is coming to a close. Thursday night was our graduation and it was horribly bittersweet. Such a sense of accomplishment, such a season of growth, finished. Since then people have been trickling off to the airport and saying goodbye has been nothing short of horrendous. I surprised myself at how attached I am to my DTS family. Saying goodbye has left the biggest ache in my chest. Even writing this brings such a raw emotion. Jessie and Ester especially. You girls know that you're closer to me than I can even express. Not seeing you every day, not falling asleep to you ten feet away, not laughing with you, has made me so horribly sad. I've heard the term "post DTS depression" and laughed it off, thinking that was cute, but I now know whoever coined that phrase was not joking.
I'm currently sitting in the YWAM San Diego office. Two more of my family members are leaving this afternoon; tonight I'm picking up Michelle and we're going to hang out in Ensenada for a week. So ridiculously happy to see her, so unbelievably sad DTS is over. So glad for this season of growth and renewal in Christ.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
7 February 2012
LAST WEEK!!
HEY ALL!
This is our last week of outreach!!!! On Saturday we will be back in Ensenada!! (Not that I'm excited or anything.)
Anyways. My last week of outreach is looking a lot different than the rest of my team's. Because of the situation with my back, I was not able to go with my team to the village for this week. Also doing any kind of physical labour is completely out of the question for me right now. So. I am hanging out on the base, which is Esau and Ale's house. At first I was super opposed to the idea of being here while my team is gone. The first night, I moved from the girl's house down the road to the guy's room, which is on the base property. I was still awake at 6 am - it was too quiet!! I have been used to living in community and having a houseful of roommates, and my first night of silence in five months sent me for a loop.
However. Being on the base has been really awesome. I think I needed this time, because before this I was running on fumes and not sure I'd make it to the end without burning out. I'm calling this week my "pre-debrief debrief week." Next week in Ensenada is our debrief week, but I guess I kind of get two. My staff gave me a list of things to do - a few teachings to listen to, team blogging, slideshow, intercession etc. So it's been really nice. I didn't know how much I missed quiet time until I got it back this week!! I am definitely missing my team, but the quiet has been more welcome than I had imagined. Since I have to take it easy for my back anyways, it's nice to have a bit of my own schedule this week. I've also spent a lot of time with the family that lives here, and they are great. Ale is studying to be a nurse too! She speaks English, so her and I talk about nursing a lot. Today I helped Hannah (their daughter) sort clothes for a thrift store for an hour and a half.
YWAM teaches you to be flexible - I definitely appreciate that, especially this week. It hasn't gone at all how I've expected it to, but then again I never expected I'd be in a Mexican hospital having as many troubles with my back as I have. I've had time to catch up with a lot of people from back home, tons of time to pray, tons of time to just be with my Father.
Please continue to pray for my back, and for restoration. I'm still in a lot of pain and am waiting for the day I get back to Canada so I can start physiotherapy, go to my chiropractor again and go to massage therapy.
Also, yesterday was Bob Marley's birthday. One love.
This is our last week of outreach!!!! On Saturday we will be back in Ensenada!! (Not that I'm excited or anything.)
Anyways. My last week of outreach is looking a lot different than the rest of my team's. Because of the situation with my back, I was not able to go with my team to the village for this week. Also doing any kind of physical labour is completely out of the question for me right now. So. I am hanging out on the base, which is Esau and Ale's house. At first I was super opposed to the idea of being here while my team is gone. The first night, I moved from the girl's house down the road to the guy's room, which is on the base property. I was still awake at 6 am - it was too quiet!! I have been used to living in community and having a houseful of roommates, and my first night of silence in five months sent me for a loop.
However. Being on the base has been really awesome. I think I needed this time, because before this I was running on fumes and not sure I'd make it to the end without burning out. I'm calling this week my "pre-debrief debrief week." Next week in Ensenada is our debrief week, but I guess I kind of get two. My staff gave me a list of things to do - a few teachings to listen to, team blogging, slideshow, intercession etc. So it's been really nice. I didn't know how much I missed quiet time until I got it back this week!! I am definitely missing my team, but the quiet has been more welcome than I had imagined. Since I have to take it easy for my back anyways, it's nice to have a bit of my own schedule this week. I've also spent a lot of time with the family that lives here, and they are great. Ale is studying to be a nurse too! She speaks English, so her and I talk about nursing a lot. Today I helped Hannah (their daughter) sort clothes for a thrift store for an hour and a half.
YWAM teaches you to be flexible - I definitely appreciate that, especially this week. It hasn't gone at all how I've expected it to, but then again I never expected I'd be in a Mexican hospital having as many troubles with my back as I have. I've had time to catch up with a lot of people from back home, tons of time to pray, tons of time to just be with my Father.
Please continue to pray for my back, and for restoration. I'm still in a lot of pain and am waiting for the day I get back to Canada so I can start physiotherapy, go to my chiropractor again and go to massage therapy.
Also, yesterday was Bob Marley's birthday. One love.
3 February 2012
Mexican Hospital Adventures.
Hey all.
So this week I experienced my first adventure in a Mexican hospital. It included...
So this week I experienced my first adventure in a Mexican hospital. It included...
- mystery drinks
- eating cactus
- flooding the bathroom while taking a shower... the drain didn't work.
- attempting to get dressed again after said shower... It's hard, when you're attached to an IV.
- realizing how minimal my Spanish is when it comes to medical terms.
Basically I've had back problems this whole outreach, and for the last week I've been in a ton of pain. Tuesday night I got the most severe migrane I've ever had in my life and my whole back spasmed so they took me to a really nice hospital in Oaxaca. I was there Tuesday night until Thursday afternoon, just getting drugged up and doing some x rays. Now I'm back on the base, migrane is nearly gone, but my back is still in rough shape. If you could pray for me that would be awesome!! We literally have 8 days of outreach left and I'm not sure what I will be able to do. The next 3 days I'm ordered on bed rest, and we'll see from there.
Kind of getting lonely. The last week I have not been going out with my team to do ministry, and it looks like that may be the next week too. I thankfully have lots of reading material and lots of time to pray and hang out with Jesus!!!
Thanks for checking in with my blog, feel free to shoot me an email or Facebook message - I'd love to hear from you!
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