2013

All of a sudden, it's 2013. The world didn't end, again, and here you are reading my humble little blog, enjoying the first day of this new blessed year.

So. I'm feeling particularly sentimental today. Always seems to happen in the new year, as the reality of another year passed catches up with me.

I started out 2012 in the Dominican Republic, on my DTS outreach. YWAM Ensenada, Denver, and San Pedro celebrated together and praised the Lord for a new year. On January 1, we had the day off from usual ministries, and many people headed for the beach. It poured rain, I recall. It was like having a shower in +35 degree weather.

January 13 of 2012 I lost a friend. Yesterday I re-certified my first aid; and was struck with the memory of performing CPR with Cory, desperately trying to save Federico. I remember the doctor coming and shoving us out of the way. "Él murió! Él es muerte!" he yelled at us. Yesterday those memories resurfaced, as clear as if it were yesterday. I remember his family coming to the base, wailing and crying out to Jesus. I sat off to the side, still bikini-clad from the beach earlier, Federico's vomit still on my shorts. Stunned. While I am sad at these recollections, I praise the Lord for Federico's beautiful life. The impact he had on his community, teaching music lessons and showing everyone the love and the joy of the Lord. His death has fueled me to show people Jesus in the same way that he did.

February 2012 I graduated from my DTS, and spent a lovely week showing my best friend Michelle the city of Ensenada. A place I have grown to love dearly and miss nearly every day. God blessed that time so richly. At the end of February both of us returned to Canada, Michelle to return to school and me having no idea what tomorrow would bring. God was completely faithful though, and I quickly found a job, with the plans to return to school in September, although not at Kings; I got accepted into the Faculty of Nursing at the University of Alberta.

In July I took a trip to Washington to visit my dear DTS sister Jessie. We had such a blast :) Way too much fun was had that week, including a trip into Seattle to see McKenna, Pike Place Market and of course the first Starbucks. Jessie is such a refreshment to my soul, her faith is ridiculous and her perspective on life is so joy-filled!

September was the start of a new era, nursing school. It's been challenging and stressful, but at the same time SO perfect. What a dichotomy. I know I am exactly where God wants me to be! Despite the nights of 4 hours of sleep, despite nearly failing a final exam (first time I've ever said that!) God is SO RIDICULOUSLY GOOD.

In November, I started dating Jeremiah. If you haven't met him, let me know and we'll visit :) Yep. God is so good to me, I am so deeply blessed, and so looking forward to this new year. God has revealed so much of His heart for me in the last year and particularly in the last two months. I cannot wait what this year holds, where God will lead me, and how I can show Him off to everyone I know.

So. Blessings to you, dear reader, in this new year. Seek God first, make new discoveries about Him, allow Him to lead you and it will be a year to remember.

Silence.

Listen.

Why is this concept so unnerving? What is it about quiet that makes so many people uncomfortable? Our lives are constantly bombarded by noise. Everywhere. All the time. If not auditory noise, we are bombarded with advertisements, people, schedules, deadlines. Every two seconds you hear someone's smart phone going off; a reminder for something. New text. New email.

Maybe that's why I enjoy evening so much. It's quiet. Old, familiar tunes don't overpower the quiet right now but rather enhance it. An overly large mug of tea warms my chilled fingers. Psalms 46:10 says,

"Be Still and know that I am God."
Be Still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Be still. 
Be.

What this speaks to me is that the very essence of our being should just simply be; understanding that Abba is our Father. That amidst the chaos of our lives God is still God. He will never change, He will never give up on us, He will never stop loving us. I believe God longs for each one of us to know this. Despite 3 a.m. bedtimes due to late night cramming, despite our ridiculously crazy lives, despite things happening that are beyond our control, Abba is still our Father and He loves us.

This deep understanding, I relate to silence.
Silence is always there. So is God. Silence never changes. Neither does Abba. Sometimes you just need to close the textbook, put away the computer/iPod/phone and wait, to finally hear the silence again. The same is true with our Father. Sometimes you have to deliberately stop being so busy and wait for Him. He longs to communicate with us, he speaks to us often but we just don't listen.

It's easy to let worry obscure this silence. How many times have I been too stressed to even acknowledge what Abba was speaking to my heart? I used to think in times of stress that my Daddy wasn't speaking to me. How wrong I was. He speaks to us constantly. Philippians 4: 6-7 says, "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, in prayer and supplication, let your requests be known to God. And the peace of Christ, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Do not be anxious. Be still. Be. And God's peace will blow you away through His Spirit.

Being still can be hard. It can feel so uncomfortable at first. John 15:7 says, "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you want of me and it will be done for you." Abiding doesn't mean finding Christ for a couple minutes here, an hour or two on Sunday. It means constantly. It means seeking out that silence deliberately. Because guess what. The verses preceding this one say "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned." Don't know about you, but I feel that's pretty harsh. If you don't abide in Christ, you'll wither up and die, and get thrown into a fire. You won't be thriving. You'll be useless and dead, just like a dried up vine.

So. The next time you get overwhelmed with school, the next time painful memories threaten to overtake you, the next time you feel like you just can't handle it all, be still and know. And let Abba take you from there.  I won't promise it'll make all the above issues go away, but I do promise if you go in with Abba by your side and the full knowledge of Him resting in your heart, you'll get through. Let God lead you.

Wake up, all you sleepers. Stand up, all you dreamers.

Africa interview was this morning. Technically, African interiews. Six of them. I feel like they all went really well. And now the waiting game begins again. In about a week I will find out if I made it to the next level of interviews. Ah.

As I write this, I'm tucked away in a corner at the U of A. I have been practically living on campus this weekend, studying for my NURS 190 final. Cursed six-week class finals have snuck up on me and have taken away the last shroud of sanity within my being. It's 6:00 pm, I've been here since 10:00 am, save for the lunch break I had with my dear friend Kiri. She is a fellow nurse friend, and also interviewed for Africa this morning. I am thoroughly blessed by her! Hopefully, we'll be conquering Tanzania together come the beginning of May.

God revealed a piece of His heart to me today. I was just thinking about the capacity of the human mind. We love to be in control. We love to have parameters around our lives. We love to get comfortable, and say "this is what my life will be like, and I'll figure it out. Sweet." However when we do this, we limit where God could take us and what His dreams are for our lives. We just have our little perspective and that's it. However when we dream with Abba, I'm sure He has to laugh at the parameters we place on our lives, because they are so small. When we align our hearts with our Fathers, it changes everything. We stop dreaming our dreams and start dreaming His. We stop chasing our interests and start pursuing His. We stop worrying about our expectations (for me, that means I stop worrying about school and what I expect of myself) and start understanding the bigger picture Abba has painted for us. He's painted a masterpiece for each of our lives, yet oftentimes we are too busy/stressed/worried/tired/apathetic/burned out to notice the colours. We get too caught up in that black smudge right in front of us to notice that it is one small piece of a much bigger picture.  HOW CRAZY IS THAT!! 

Dreaming of Africa.

I made a deal with God. I told him my summer was His, and all He had to do was show me. That being said, I think I'm going to Africa! Tanzania, to be exact.

There was a "Go Abroad" Fair at the U of A the other day, and I had a few hours to kill before classes. I went and took a look around, but nothing really caught my eye so I turned around. As I had my hand on the door handle to head out, God told me to turn around. I was confused, because I thought I had seen everything to see. I was wrong! I ended up turning down a hallway and talking to the people at the Student's International Health Organization (SIHA) table for a good half and hour, asking questions about the Tanzania trip. The day after, I had an informal get together with the leader of the trip to ask more questions and get more information. Today, I printed out the official application and am just about done it.

So if it pans out, if God wants me in Tanzania, I'll be going May 1 - July 12, to make it back just in time for one of my dearest friend's wedding! The focus of the trip is public health. The way it got explained to me was this: "So basically you get dropped off in the middle of f--king nowhere, assess the greatest health need in each village, and you fill it. No structure at all" Sweet.

One of the girls in my seminar/lab groups in nursing is super interested in coming as well! We've gotten  to be good friends, and spending a summer with her would be SUCH A BLAST! If this trip pans out, it will look so very different from any other trip I have been on. All my traveling has been with a group of Christians. This one will not be so. Group dynamics will be so different. No times of worship with my team. No corporate prayer. But, as I was reflecting on this earlier, I got to thinking that much of life is that way. I was so blessed by my YWAM family, especially my outreach family. However, in life you don't always have that YWAM family at your disposal. There will not always be people willing to pray with you on a rough day. This may be the greatest 10 week challenge of my faith I'll ever see.

Prayers for God's guidance, and clarity on whether to do this trip or not appreciated :)
Also, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Wanderlust.

Hmmm.

It's been a Bon-Iver, stay-home-in-sweats, watch-the-leaves-change, chai-tea-and-stroopwaffels kind of day. I'm fighting off sickness and haven't really moved too far today.

Today is the one year anniversary of the start of my Discipleship Training School in Ensenada, Mexico. Last night I was just overwhelmed with gratefulness and had an amazing worship session, just me and Jesus. I was just floored by how much has changed in a year, how tangibly Jesus changed my life. 

A year ago I was angry, I was vulnerable, I was hurting. I flew to Mexico with all the pieces of my shattered past clutched tightly in my fists. So tightly I had scars. The first thing my Jesus did was help me unfurl those fists. He gently pried my fingers open, ever so carefully pulled out the shards stuck in my hands. He showed me to lay my burdens at His feet. He lifted my downcast face to meet His eyes. I stared my Jesus right in the eyes, maybe truly for the first time in my life. I met him. I experienced him. Through the help of my staff and my fellow DTS students, I was able to truly experience the love and adoration my Jesus has had for me, my whole life.

In the dirty, shadowed streets of Bajio (red light district in Ensenada), I experienced Abba's love without condition. He loves every prostitute in that area. He loves every dealer trying to catch your eye. He loves every man who has laid a punch on his wife. He loves every dirty, homeless person passed out on the sidewalk. His love is never defined by our circumstances or our choices. His heart breaks for every horrible situation, knowing some of his kids are so chemically altered they don't know daytime from nighttime, BUT his love never stops. It doesn't change the moment the needle hits skin, it doesn't change ever. That was hard for me to grasp at times. Seeing men walk out of brothels. I got angry. I hated them for what they did. Seeing prostitutes waiting outside the "hotels," trying to hold their head up high. My heart shattered for them. 

Living in the ghetto streets of the Dominican Republic, the sound of gunshots a regular occurrence, I experienced the love of Jesus through heartbreak. I remember one day we were playing with a bunch of street kids in Bienvenidos. Lots of them have parents, but they are either drug addicts, alcoholics, chronically absent in these kid's lives, or abusive. I remember sitting off to the side with a little boy curled up in my lap, and suddenly my views of these kids changed. Jesus said to me "how you feel right now is how I feel about these kids" and I was so overwhelmed with heartbreak. My chest hurt. I couldn't breathe. In that moment Jesus showed me that being passive about the injustices in the world is just not an option. We need to be praying for issues around the world, not just tucking ourselves away in our own little corner of the world and sticking our head in the sand. As North Americans we are so ridiculously blessed, we don't even know it. God opened my eyes to that in the Dominican Republic. Injustice happens EVERYWHERE and ignoring it is like... ignoring the heart of God. In Edmonton alone, there is homelessness, trafficking, drug abuse, homelessness. How can that be ignored? 

Anyways. I have posed a challenge for myself. For the next five months, my challenge is to read over my notes from my DTS day by day. I never want to forget what I have learned. As I go through my old journals, I'll be sure to post some words of wisdom here on my blog. 

I entitled this post "wanderlust" because I just want to travel! Well that sounds selfish. I made a deal with God that I will go where he sends me next summer. Whether that means staying here in Edmonton and getting involved with a ministry here, or hopping on a plane... My summer is God's. And I am so excited to dream about where that may be, and what that might involve. 

So that's all :)

If you get bored... do this.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/4Dv5gl/:utejpJwA:WIo27cam/www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJ9yn8vLdig/

Sarah Stad: Faculty of Nursing Undergraduate Studies.

Well, it's official.

I'm a nursing student! After completing my first full week of Nursing at the University of Alberta, I am already displaying classic symptoms of any undergrad nurse. Dark circles under eyes. Re-aquaintance with coffee, namely every single Starbucks, Second Cup or Tim Hortons between ECHA and CCIS, my buildings. Back pain from toting around 20 pounds of nursing textbooks.

That being said.... I. LOVE. IT. I am completely embracing being thrown out of my comfort zone. My logic is.. I'm a YWAMer. ...What is a comfort zone again? YWAM sent me so far removed from anything I could possibly call comfort. So, a new university is a piece of cake in comparison. At the U of A there are maps. On NIKO (Mexican wilderness week) we got sent out with horribly vague directions and stumbled around the Mexican mountains, in the dark. U of A? Piece of cake. Compared to where I have been, the experiences I have lived, nursing school does not strike fear in my heart.

Sure it's hard to stay awake in an 8 am lecture, after awakening at 6 in the morning. However, I think perspectives change everything. Today I caught myself whining about 8 am lectures (if you know me, you know I hate mornings...) however I was struck with a revelation. I have NO RIGHT to complain about 8 am lectures. I have 1) the resources to attend university in the first place. 2) Learning facilities that are brand flippin new. If you've seen the Edmonton Clinic Health Academy, it's gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful. 3) An excellent faculty and 4) The opportunity learn skills millions of people will neither be able to learn themselves, or see in practice.

So that's that. Life is a whirlwind, studying nursing and going to Prison Ministry are going to consume my life for the next four years, and God continues to blow my mind.

Warriors, ICU's and Letters from Prison

This afternoon I spent a couple hours visiting my neighbors from Lacombe in the Stollery Children's Hospital ICU. 

Their son Ryan has been sick his whole life, and close to death many times in his 18 years. Every time he's been really sick I have been meaning to go visit them; today I finally had the chance. Seeing Ryan attached to a tangle of IV's, tubes and the respirator took my breath away. As I grabbed his hand, I could feel the effort it took for him to close his grasp. But he did.

His communication right now is limited to thumbs up or down, or shaking or nodding his head because of the respirator. I was absolutely struck with the strength of Ryan's family right now. They fully rely on the Lord in this time, and are still able to joke around with their son. The amount of love they have for Ryan and for the Lord despite the hardships in their lives took my breath away today. Jackie and Clayton if you ever read this... please know how much you touched my life today.  I saw the joy and the peace of the Lord in your eyes. I saw in Ryan determination and such a warrior's spirit. 

God has been giving me the most profound experiences these last few days. Seeing Ryan left such a deep impact on my heart. This evening in church I found the letter I always keep tucked in my Bible. Last Tuesday at Edmonton Young Offenders Centre I received a letter from one of the guys there. One of the last lines reads "God is my homie, and so are you. Know that I will keep praying for you." I have been able to pour into this individual's life a lot in the last few weeks, and I see in him also a warrior spirit. This boy has been through a lot in his life; his dad is an alcoholic and his mom is in rehab. I see in him a warrior who hasn't discovered his potential yet. I pray every day that he will; and that God will just wreck him for the ordinary.

More and more I find life is overwhelming, and God just keeps blowing my mind. Sometimes my heart is raw, and I want to go back to YWAM so badly. But then God comes and speaks to my heart so tangibly that my path is in Canada right now, and all I can do is fall on my knees in worship.

You were near, Though I was distantDisillusioned I was lost and insecure

Still mercy fought, For my attentionYou were waiting at the door, Then I let You in

Trading Your life, For my offensesFor my redemption, You carried all the blame

Breaking the curse, Of our conditionPerfection took our place

When only loveCould make a wayYou gave Your lifeIn a beautiful exchange

My burden erase, my life forgivenThere is nothing, that could take this love away
My only desire, and sole ambitionIs to love You just the same

When only loveCould make a wayYou gave Your lifeIn a beautiful exchange